Monthly Archives: March 2016

Note to Alex.

Sometimes the first part of recovery is finding the infection,
It’s the very factor that could answer every question,
Cause if you find the source then you can remove the pain,
But if you don’t act on it then the source will remain…
“Thank you captain obvious, I knew that already…”
So then why are all your problems there still so heavy?
You complain and complain about the burdens you hold,
But do nothing to remove them, it’s just old…
I mean no disrespect, but rather I hope you see,
That I’m not speaking just to you, but mainly to me
The problems over and over It just seems to repeat,
And that’s why it’s me, Alex, sitting in the front seat…

(So Alex…I just want to say…)

You’re greater than these insecurities that control your whole life,
The thought that you’re not good enough for anything is a lie!
Your insecurities gobble you up and trap you,
Keeping you sheltered, blinded from what is true..
You should know, for you there’s a purpose so great…
So it’s time to move forward from your current state..
Stop running in circles on this big hamster wheel,
Move forward from this cycle, this time…for real.
You can be delivered, but you must continue forward,
Release the grasp you have on the two edged sword,
You put priority in so many things that simply don’t matter,
It’s crazy to see sometimes, let me call you mad hatter,
Mad because of the things that you let keep your life stalled,
Hatter because of all the hats you wear…because you’re going bald,
But seriously, in life there are some things you can’t control,
Give those things to God, from there..he’ll make you whole.
Worry about this, worry about that, where is the end?
Your mind makes you worry about everything, that’s the trend…
Overthink everything and you find yourself alone,
You in your own head, you think you’re on your own..
But I promise you, not everything’s what it seems to be,
If you can just escape the wondering of your mind, you’ll be free…
I pray that God places boldness on your life,
Proceeding with confidence both through peace and through strife,
I pray that you may find a love so deep in your heart,
That you find the best in others, confident in every part..
I pray for faith for you in your darkest hours,
That when conflict arises you look to higher powers…

I know it’s hard to walk away from things that seem so dear,
You’ve worked so hard for these things, and to lose them is your fear…
And like fishing, you catch things sometimes that you must throw back,
And in life you gain things, that you could do better to lack…
People you hang with, that don’t influence you right…
The influences turn your insides, make it harder to fight the good fight..
And now you see all these fish that have been hooked,
But as you want to keep them, you should take a better look…
The everyday influences that stuck inside your head,
Could be the major difference that leaves your spirit dead…

Now you may think I did this for attention…
Talking to my self, looking for popularity suspension…
But the reality is, I needed a wake up call..
Cause it was only a matter of time before I had a fatal fall..
Some people on here are probably struggling too,
I want you to know that I’m in the same boat as you..
The words said to me, could be said for you too…
Not believing it is irrelevant, cause it’s still true…

Don’t ever lose that strive to be better than you currently are,
The craving to be molded into something more will take you far,
Put God first and serve him with everything inside you,
And always remember that through God, you were made new…

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My Castle (Poem)

What i do today, will be forgiven tomorrow,
That’s truly a mindset that will bring only sorrow,
YOLO, it’s corrupted, justifying the bad,
Doing something you know is wrong…and yet you wonder why you’re sad…”

Yeah, i’ve been there too…

It starts small, nothing big, a little pebble in hand..
It’s not the whole head of hair, just a small little strand,
So you toss it over your shoulder, never to see it again..
But little do you know, this isn’t the last you’ll see of that sin.
Tossing pebble after pebble, doesn’t seem like a big deal
Something so small, will surely take no time at all..to heal,
And when you finally have had your fill and turn around to take a look,
Realization sets in, on just how deep in you are on the hook.
It’s sunk in, and you’re stuck, you can’t move…
Every voice that spoke against actions, all along were so true..
You expect to see those pebbles, in a pile so small…
But instead see a Castle that stands oh so tall..
Those little ol’ pebbles, were instead big sturdy bricks,
They seemed so little at the time, but all along it was a trick.
It didn’t seem so heavy at the time, but now you see the error
You never thought you’d be this deep, and now you see the true terror
Before you had an island of room, too big for any hassle
But now that space is taken up, by this monstrous Castle.
You push and push with all your strength, but it doesn’t even budge..
Working up a heavy sweat, only to feel like a small nudge
Walking away doesn’t even seem like a possibility,
Every path away seems to lead back to this monstrosity…

Everytime you create some distance, it’s the only thing you see,
Sometimes you even go back for the sake of its familiarity…
No matter how bad you want to get away, the fortress is just too much,
It takes over your life and with everything else, you seem to lose touch…
You stay inside this castle, waiting for the day that someone brings you out
But all solutions seem to fail, and the only option now is to pout…
Exhausted, you can’t go on, and it just seem pointless to fight..
And just when all is lost, you notice the small speck of light.

In every situation, there’s always some hope you see…
And when i was trapped in my castle, God was that hope for me..
I began to understand the solution was here at last,
It didn’t matter what i had done before, he didn’t care about the past
And even though i built this castle, all by myself
He saw me as a broken toy, ready to be fixed up on the shelf..
Undeserving, he approached me and reached out his hand so divine,
Sitting there with his hand wide open, just waiting for me to give him mine,
I reached forward, but was trapped in place..The source of my pain,
In order for me to reach him, i must first let go of this chain…
So precious to me however, the chain has been there through it all,
Afraid to let go, without the familiar things, i would surely fall,
The battle inside ripped me apart, nothing had done this faster.
It was clear i had to make a choice, nobody can serve two masters.
With tears in my eyes, i reached for his hand, and let go of the chain…
And that thing that i seemed to lose, ultimately was a gain…
As he pulled me out of my prison, He began to fill the void…
It was a beautiful sight indeed, before my eyes the castle was destroyed..
And now the only thing that haunts me, about that day that i was found…
Was the sound of all the bricks, falling to the ground…

This I Declare!

I want to be molded, like putty in your hands.
Pulled apart and re-created..strand by strand.
No longer will I run on this hamster wheel, so comfy.
But take the path less taken that you have laid down for me.
It’s gonna be hard, that much is clear…
But I know that I can make it, for you are always near.
It’s hard to remember sometimes though…I’m always thinking of myself.
And to make sure I’m taken care of, I put important things up on the shelf.
But I declare to no longer pull down others, but hold them up instead…
For living to gain off others pain, inside I am already dead.
To realize my wrong doings at times, and accept that rather than argue.
It’s not worth causing up so much anger, despite having a different view.
I declare to hold my tongue behind closed doors, a venomous weapon it can be.
To instead offer only positive things, in which in myself I can also be free…
To be the man that people can run to, and expect help in their time of need..
Instead of watching them from a safe distance and merely stand there as they bleed.
To have a more loving heart, and not be so quick to anger…
To see people’s situations in a different light, instead of just as a blur…
I want to stop relying so much, in taking refuge in the world…
But instead realize that the answers come, by spending time in the word…
It’s clear I’m broken..a mere pot full of cracks,
That I’ve got problems myself, they keep coming by the stacks..
But if you’ll have me, I wanna come to you…broken legs and all,
With your hand leading the way, no mountain is too tall…
I’ll give it all to you, knowing you’ll repair every tear…
I’m going to walk closer to you…this I declare..